Despair Tastes Like a Gingersnap Cookie

*Warning: this is a majorly whiny blog so close your browser now if you don’t feel like being my silent therapist. I completely understand!  I can barely stand myself right now so I don’t expect anyone else to put up with my crap.

I’m feeling very overwhelmed and desperate right now.  Part of it is my fault and the other half is just circumstance but the two combined have left me listless and weepy. 

Not realizing there’s just a little over a month before the State Fair, I went on their website tonight and entered into 45 of their food competitions.  FORTY-FIVE!!!  Even if I had several months, that is just kinda…insane.  Which pretty much sums me up so I guess I shouldn’t be surprised at myself.  But trying to schedule out how I’m going to get everything made in time made me a little more insane because I realized I would have to bake every single day until the submissions are due and some are just impossible.  I mean, I really don’t think I can make 8 different pies in one day when I’m also supposed to report to work. 

I love to bake, but this is a little extreme for even me–especially when it’s 100+ degrees outside.  What was I thinking? 

But what is really really really getting to me are the drain flies that we’ve been afflicted with for the last two months.  I mentioned them in a previous blog, calling them “tiny mutant midget moths” because I had no idea what they were.  Well, I finally Googled them and found out they are “Moth Flies” and are commonly known as “Drain Flies” and among the sewage treatment plant people, “Poop Flies.”  Yeah.  That makes me love them even more. NOT.  

Anyway, we’ve bug bombed our house twice to no avail and when I Googled them, I found out it’s ineffective to kill the adults–that you have to find where they are laying eggs and clean up the area or you will never get rid of them.  They live around moist areas where there is slimy muck so I cleaned out our sump pump, and put enzyme microbial drain cleaner down all the drains, but they seem to still be reproducing because I vacuum them off the walls every day and they are not diminishing.  I am afraid there is a cracked pipe somewhere, which is a very strong possibility based on articles I’ve read, and to fix it will cost thousands of dollars that we don’t have.

To top it off, my work hours are sucking butt cheeks lately.  I’m on a 40-hour schedule, but I only got 15 hours last week.  I’ve been getting about 20 on average–half what I’m used to!  This happens every year since the mail volume drops in the summer and there isn’t enough work to keep us there, so I should be used to it but it still hurts.  I’m trying to get unemployment to help for the few months remaining until the mail picks up, but for some reason they can’t find any record of me working, which makes me ineligible for benefits.  I’ve sent them my W-2 from last year, but haven’t heard back.  Since I have such an erratic work schedule, getting a second job is out of the question unless I just want to leave the Post Office, which I really don’t.  It’s a great job and great pay…most of the year. 

As far as the upcoming weigh-in, I started out the week badly despite the great goals I set, but I am back on track and showing a small loss.  I don’t know if I’ll make it to the 10 pound mark as planned, however.  I’m doing my best and haven’t stopped eating right just because I’m stressed.

Although.  I was suffering from anxiety & low blood sugar when Dennis came home with some gingersnaps from his singing teacher and gave me one.  I now identify despair with the taste of gingersnaps.  They are my Dad’s favorite cookie and I’ve never liked them but he requested them for his birthday this year.  I made him a batch and froze some so I could enter them into the State Fair “gingersnap cookie” division, but after tasting the one from Dennis’ teacher, I knew my cookies, which were bland by comparison, wouldn’t place and I sunk a little lower into my despair.  I can’t even make a bad tasting cookie taste right.  LOL!

Anyway, yeah.  Life is sucky right now.  There is a cute (but annoying) drain fly sitting on my State Fair competition handbook right now, and I swear he’s looking up at me and taunting me.  I think I’m going to go suck some more flies off the wall.  Then I’m going to go lay in bed again and stare at the ceiling and then I’m going to pray.  I’d appreciate your prayers as well.

To bring up my mood, and hopefully yours if I brought you down, here’s a list of things I’m thankful to God for right now (in no particular order):

I have my arms and legs and can see out of both eyes.  I’m not suffering from any diabetes complications.  I have a house to live in that is keeping me nice and cool in this hot weather. I have clean water.  I can afford to eat healthy food.  I have a car with pretty good gas mileage.  I have a wonderful loving husband.  I have a wonderful loving dog that forces me to walk even when I don’t want to, which always makes me happier.  My fat jeans are starting to get loose.  I can read the Bible and worship God without fear for my life.  My heart is beating. 

Life could be worse.

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About Veronica

I have a kitchen addiction and love to collect & share recipes. My passion is baking but I love to cook as well. The only thing I don't like to do in the kitchen is wash dishes, but my husband generally does them for me in exchange for his dinner.
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14 Responses to Despair Tastes Like a Gingersnap Cookie

  1. Dennis Miller says:

    Yeah, I live with those stupid drain flies as well. My problem is I am kind of stuck on the positive side of things.

    I see the flies but think, “wow I’m alive, there is Ice Cream in the freezer and Coke in the fridge. I have a great wife who actually loves me (go figure). I know that my sins have been washed away by the blood of Christ…… Life is great!”

    • Veronica says:

      I don’t think that’s a problem, sweetie, I could learn a lot from you. Or maybe I have and that’s why I ended the blog with what I’m thankful for. :)

  2. Girl….you ARE crazy! Is there any way you could drop out of a few? Perhaps less work hours is a good thing in this way? I’m sorry to hear you have a bad association with gingernaps. Did you toss them? I bet they would make a rockin’ crust for a cheesecake or bar cookie or something, just add some brown sugar or molasses and spices to the crumbs! OOOhhhh, or put the crumbs in a DDL or creamcheese frosting!
    It’s good to see you trying to stay positive. Hopefully you can find a few overlaps and shortcuts to make it easier for you

    • Veronica says:

      Haha–I love that you just told me I’m crazy. Boy do I know it! Yes, I will have to drop some of them and just do the ones I feel most confident about. Of course I didn’t toss the gingersnaps–they’re ready for me to take them to be judged so I may as well follow through–it won’t hurt anything and I’m for dang sure not going to waste my time making a “better” batch since I hate them and know I’m better at making other cookies. I really like your ideas for saving them ,thogh–they’re almost enough to make me use them for myself! And yes, there are some overlaps–like the “Governor’s Cookie Jar” is one of the few large cash prizes and has to have several kinds of cookies in it and most of them I’ll be making to be judged on their own so that will be nice.

  3. Suzie says:

    Whoa!! That is alot of competitions! I’d be lucky to enter one…lol!! Let us know how you do or have Dennis tell us, if you’re completely insane by the time it’s over…tee hee ;) Sorry you have the blues my friend and yes, I will most definitely pray for you :) You do keep you sense of humor throughout this blog though, I love that about you! I have one thing that may cheer you up, I just sent you an email with the pickle recipe. Pickles are a cure-all ;)

    • Veronica says:

      I really didn’t realize how many I was entering until I submitted everything and then printed it off and counted them. I just knew that there were a lot I wanted to enter. I will have to just not enter some of the ones I registered for and that is OK–I will do as many as possible and not sweat that I couldn’t do them all. I’m not superwoman. Thank you for your pickle recipe–I haven’t got to it yet but I can’t wait to try making my own!

  4. Faith says:

    Hmmm, I remember my sister in law had problems with those little flies too…she used to put moth balls down the drain and said it worked…might be worth a try?

    • Veronica says:

      Thanks for the tip, Faith! Actually, hubby called the exterminator today so we’re waiting to get an estimate on how much it would cost to have a professional handle it. Hopefully it won’t be terrible and we can get rid of them without further stress. So hopefully I won’t have to use your tip (I’m leery about clogging the drains) but I will if I have to. Thanks, again.

  5. cheryl says:

    Hi Veronica! Girl, you have to get with it! Cheer up you are doing great with your weight loss. Keep up the good work and I want you to read what you just wrote on your blog!!!!!!!!!!!!!>>>>>>~~Hugs >>>>>To bring up my mood, and hopefully yours if I brought you down, here’s a list of things I’m thankful to God for right now (in no particular order):

    I have my arms and legs and can see out of both eyes. I’m not suffering from any diabetes complications. I have a house to live in that is keeping me nice and cool in this hot weather. I have clean water. I can afford to eat healthy food. I have a car with pretty good gas mileage. I have a wonderful loving husband. I have a wonderful loving dog that forces me to walk even when I don’t want to, which always makes me happier. My fat jeans are starting to get loose. I can read the Bible and worship God without fear for my life. My heart is beating.

    Life could be worse……..Now Smile :)

    • Veronica says:

      Thanks, Cheryl. Doing much better today–my mood is the opposite of yesterday’s! We have an exterminator coming out Friday to try and find where the flies are coming from so that makes me feel better, plus knowing that I can only do my best with the competitions and not try to kill myself doing 45. The bad thing is instead of a healthy dinner, I had truffles. 6 Peanutty Chocolate Truffles and 2 regular truffles. And some summer squash to round out my meal–LOL! Sucks, though, b/c weigh-in is tomorrow AM and I had planned to eat something light. Well, at least I didn’t eat all those ON TOP of dinner, right? We’ll see what happens.

  6. 45 food competitions?! YIKES!!! You are one brave woman! See? I’m leavin the crazy out of it ;) LOL! Anyway, I think you’re doing great with all you have going on. Hang in there and things will get better!
    btw, I will work on getting you that soda bread recipe if my Mom still has it. They just moved recently and still getting settled!

  7. Pop says:

    So i wanted to revisit this post and thought it was great how things turned out, especially with your baking! Congrats! You rock!

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