*Warning: this is a majorly whiny blog so close your browser now if you don’t feel like being my silent therapist. I completely understand! I can barely stand myself right now so I don’t expect anyone else to put up with my crap.
I’m feeling very overwhelmed and desperate right now. Part of it is my fault and the other half is just circumstance but the two combined have left me listless and weepy.
Not realizing there’s just a little over a month before the State Fair, I went on their website tonight and entered into 45 of their food competitions. FORTY-FIVE!!! Even if I had several months, that is just kinda…insane. Which pretty much sums me up so I guess I shouldn’t be surprised at myself. But trying to schedule out how I’m going to get everything made in time made me a little more insane because I realized I would have to bake every single day until the submissions are due and some are just impossible. I mean, I really don’t think I can make 8 different pies in one day when I’m also supposed to report to work.
I love to bake, but this is a little extreme for even me–especially when it’s 100+ degrees outside. What was I thinking?
But what is really really really getting to me are the drain flies that we’ve been afflicted with for the last two months. I mentioned them in a previous blog, calling them “tiny mutant midget moths” because I had no idea what they were. Well, I finally Googled them and found out they are “Moth Flies” and are commonly known as “Drain Flies” and among the sewage treatment plant people, “Poop Flies.” Yeah. That makes me love them even more. NOT.
Anyway, we’ve bug bombed our house twice to no avail and when I Googled them, I found out it’s ineffective to kill the adults–that you have to find where they are laying eggs and clean up the area or you will never get rid of them. They live around moist areas where there is slimy muck so I cleaned out our sump pump, and put enzyme microbial drain cleaner down all the drains, but they seem to still be reproducing because I vacuum them off the walls every day and they are not diminishing. I am afraid there is a cracked pipe somewhere, which is a very strong possibility based on articles I’ve read, and to fix it will cost thousands of dollars that we don’t have.
To top it off, my work hours are sucking butt cheeks lately. I’m on a 40-hour schedule, but I only got 15 hours last week. I’ve been getting about 20 on average–half what I’m used to! This happens every year since the mail volume drops in the summer and there isn’t enough work to keep us there, so I should be used to it but it still hurts. I’m trying to get unemployment to help for the few months remaining until the mail picks up, but for some reason they can’t find any record of me working, which makes me ineligible for benefits. I’ve sent them my W-2 from last year, but haven’t heard back. Since I have such an erratic work schedule, getting a second job is out of the question unless I just want to leave the Post Office, which I really don’t. It’s a great job and great pay…most of the year.
As far as the upcoming weigh-in, I started out the week badly despite the great goals I set, but I am back on track and showing a small loss. I don’t know if I’ll make it to the 10 pound mark as planned, however. I’m doing my best and haven’t stopped eating right just because I’m stressed.
Although. I was suffering from anxiety & low blood sugar when Dennis came home with some gingersnaps from his singing teacher and gave me one. I now identify despair with the taste of gingersnaps. They are my Dad’s favorite cookie and I’ve never liked them but he requested them for his birthday this year. I made him a batch and froze some so I could enter them into the State Fair “gingersnap cookie” division, but after tasting the one from Dennis’ teacher, I knew my cookies, which were bland by comparison, wouldn’t place and I sunk a little lower into my despair. I can’t even make a bad tasting cookie taste right. LOL!
Anyway, yeah. Life is sucky right now. There is a cute (but annoying) drain fly sitting on my State Fair competition handbook right now, and I swear he’s looking up at me and taunting me. I think I’m going to go suck some more flies off the wall. Then I’m going to go lay in bed again and stare at the ceiling and then I’m going to pray. I’d appreciate your prayers as well.
To bring up my mood, and hopefully yours if I brought you down, here’s a list of things I’m thankful to God for right now (in no particular order):
I have my arms and legs and can see out of both eyes. I’m not suffering from any diabetes complications. I have a house to live in that is keeping me nice and cool in this hot weather. I have clean water. I can afford to eat healthy food. I have a car with pretty good gas mileage. I have a wonderful loving husband. I have a wonderful loving dog that forces me to walk even when I don’t want to, which always makes me happier. My fat jeans are starting to get loose. I can read the Bible and worship God without fear for my life. My heart is beating.
Life could be worse.